The sexiest thing I had ever seen

I was probably 13 years old. And I was, of course, in junior high school. Probably 8th grade, if I remember correctly. A very close friend of mine, RW, had invited me to have a sleepover at his house. It was summertime, so perhaps it was between 7th and 8th grade, actually. It was warm, and we had set up a tent in his backyard. Stayed up late talking. And at one point, RW brought out to the tent a girly magazine. It was possibly, probably, the first one of these that I had ever seen. It had belonged to his older brother. I think it was a Penthouse. At 13, this was a big deal to see. We flipped through the pages together with a flashlight in the tent. Ironically, RW is gay. Of course, we did not talk about that at the time, nor did I know it. Though I suspect that he knew it, and he was trying to like something that he didn't really like.

Looking through the magazine, we reached one of those sections where they had a whole "story" on a girl. Several pages of photos, including some clearly fictional background info. A little profile. This girl was supposed to be outdoorsy. She was supposed to be a country girl. And as we flipped through the pages, there were photos of her nude in a field by a horse, which was a little bizarre. And some other suggestive poses around nature. No bestiality of course, and if there had been, I don't think I'd be telling you about it, other than for sake of amusement. And then we turned another page, and there was the picture that I remember vividly to this very day. The girl had auburn hair and brown eyes. Her hair pulled back in a bun with loose tendrils framing her face. She was posed in a grassy field. She had smooth, slightly tanned skin -- not overly so. She was squatted in a half crouch, almost like a catcher's stance. Her lower half was nude, in three-quarter view. She was wearing boots. She had a loose delicate magenta blouse on her top. And she was holding a half-smoked Marlboro in her hand, having just taken a drag on the cigarette, so that the smoke was visible coming out of the filter.

I saw that image, and I was awe-struck. Because it was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It defined a fantasy that I am not sure I had previously even known how to define. I remember that, as we looked at the pages, in silence, laying in the tent with a flashlight, I had an orgasm just from laying on my stomach with the pressure against the ground. I was very, very quiet about it. And I doubt that RW suspected anything. But it was a little bit shameful. Then, when RW was not looking, I tore the page out of the magazine, and folded it up, and hid it. Saved it. I am pretty sure this occurred after the confiscation of the hidden advertisements in the bookcase. Pretty sure. And I hid this much better, because I believe I had it still into my late twenties, in a box. I am pretty sure. Not 100%. But I do recall stumbling upon it from time to time when moving and packing. I do believe it is gone now.

I think it is possible that image may have largely shaped elements of what I found sexiest about smoking. But it is also possible that it just happened to resonate with things that I had already found sexy, and that's why I bonded with it.