Some notes about relationships, lust, and fetish

The three years with MR put a damper not only on the fetish, but on the role of sexuality in my life on the whole. It's interesting, actually, that I think I have gone through periods of sexual Dark Ages and Renaissance. I am not sure if that is true for most people. It probably is. I do think of myself as a physical person, with a very high level of passion and certainly a healthy amount of lust. That is why it surprises me a bit, that I have been willing to endure stints of years in relationships that were largely without it. During those periods, my sexual energy would turn almost entirely to fetish thinking. I would not even share these thoughts with the partner, because I was uncomfortable with sharing them.

I really do not believe that the fetish is an essential element of romance and passion for me, in terms of the physical involvement of it in the relationship. But, because it is so ingrained (to steal a favorite term of a fellow blogger on the topic) in my character, I think that when I feel like I need to hide the fetish, or at least downplay it, or not discuss it, something wedges between myself and my partner. It makes sense to me, because intimacy is about sharing and openness. It's about letting your partner into your dark places. And if there is a very specific, significant "dark place" that you feel you must hide, then that sets a limit to how intimate you can become. I also believe that intimacy, especially sexual or physical intimacy, is a delicate house of cards. It does not take much to bring it down, and when it goes, there is little one can do to reassemble it.

I have a few counterexamples to that in the stories I will tell. There were a few instances where the fetish remained only in my mind, for the entirety, or nearly the entirety of the relationship. I am not sure how or why those worked the way they did, though I am sure I'll put forward some theories on it, when I arrive at those stories.

In fact, rather than go on this tangent, I think I will move ahead, and continue the stories, and then come back to this topic when we have a little more background.